No... I'm not going to have another baby. My hubby and I have talked about how we are very happy with our 3 boys. I was just reminiscing about when we brought our second son home from the hospital. It was something I'll always cherish, and for some different reasons than expected.
I remember when I thought I might be pregnant. Our oldest was a couple of years old and I told my husband that I wanted him to have a sibling. It was important to me that he had someone to grow up with; to play with; but most important, to be there for when he is older. Alas, it took a lot longer than I thought it would for us to get pregnant again, but once we did I was over the moon with excitement.
As we prepared for the baby, my hubby and I confessed to each other that we were nervous. Excited, yes, but also nervous because we didn't know what to expect. We only had one child for two years and that's all we knew. I was nervous that our oldest would take his aggression out on the baby. I knew that he wouldn't understand that babies need the extra attention and I was afraid that he would begin to hit or do other mean things to the baby. All I could do was hope and pray that everything would be OK. The morning (and I mean 2:30 am morning) came and I felt my water had broken. We headed to the hospital after calling my dad to come and stay with our oldest. Once we got to the hospital we had a good number of hours to wait before the baby was ready to come. Finally, he made his debut and we couldn't have been happier. Our family had grown and I was excited to bring him home.
When we were all home my nerves kicked in again. I wanted to have such positive energy just so our oldest would feel it and know that the baby was good and that he had someone to play with when he was older. A few days passed and to my surprise he took to the baby really well. He gave him kisses and hugs. There wasn't any animosity toward the baby at all. Now me on the other hand...that's a different story.
I remember sitting on the couch holding the baby and our oldest came over. He gave the baby kisses and I asked him to go do something. He looked at me and yelled out "NO!" I couldn't believe it. He had never done that. This was something I had never even thought about. I never thought he would take his aggression out on me. Just about every time I gave him a direction he would yell "NO!" and began to hit my legs. I was in shock and was beginning to feel hopeless. I was thankful that he loved his brother but heartbroken that he was taking his frustration out on me. How in the world were we going to stop this behavior before it got worse? Then it came to us...
"Mommy & me time". We decided that when I was going to the store our oldest would be the one to go with me. The baby would stay with daddy and it was just him and me. I was praying that this would be the answer to my hopelessness. It was! It was just the thing that we needed. It gave my husband bonding time with the baby, and it gave me and my oldest time to bond again. It was his time and I couldn't have been happier. After a few weeks I felt and saw a change with him. He still loved the baby just as much as he ever did, but now he was giving me the love that I missed.
As I look back it seems like it should have been right there for us to see. But adding another member to our family was life changing. Some of the simplest things aren't always able to be seen right away. I still try to do "Mommy & Me time" when I can. Sometimes he doesn't want to go to the store with me and that's OK. He knows I love him with all my heart and I will always be ready for our "time" when he needs it.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Mommy! Where are you!?!?
"MOMMY!"... "WHERE ARE YOU?"...
This is what I hear normally from our oldest when he's looking for me but doesn't want to leave whatever it is he's doing, especially when the two younger boys are sleeping peacefully. Even though I've explained to him that if he wants me, he needs to come find me, the agreement that we have seems to fly right out of the window. As I cringe down the hallway, I'm trying not to yell back while I attempt to find him, because this would contradict what I want him to do. So I speed walk to where he is while "Stage-whispering" for him to stop yelling.
This is a typically normal day, but yesterday was a little bit different. There was a calmness in the house. I'm not sure if it was the fact that my husband was coming home from work early and he would have the rest of the weekend off or that I had just given up on being "super-clean mommy". Maybe I had just told myself that it was going to be a nice day. Whatever it was, I had such a relaxed feeling and I wanted it to last. To my surprise...it DID!
While my two younger ones were napping and my oldest was playing games (Starfall & Nick, Jr) on the computer I wanted to do something creative. So I decided to bake something with my oldest. He loves to help out in the kitchen, I got everything ready to make Rice Krispies treats. I had never made them with him before. I thought that this would be a great time because he would have the one-on-one attention he craves. I called him into the kitchen, asked him if he wanted to help me make the treats, and he answered with a resounding and enthusiastic "YES!"
I have so much fun making food with him. He really enjoys working with me in the kitchen and just about every time he helps make food, he eats it. It doesn't hurt that the recipe is so easy and keeps his attention.
I started with melting the butter everything was going perfect. Then I told him we needed to put in the marshmallows. Then my "Baby Brain" kicks in and I grab the Rice Krispies and dump them right in bowl with just the butter. WHAT???!!! Oh great. I knew I had a choice. I could have gotten upset at myself and threw the contents away while saying "Oh well, we aren't making anything because mommy made a mistake". Or I could get a bowl and put the Rice Krispies in and do the marshmallows the right way.
I don't know if today was special or what was going on because I didn't even consider the first option like I normally would. I just laughed at what happened, which made my boy laugh, and started again. We did have to add a little bit more butter, since the first was still attached to the cereal, then the MARSHMALLOWS, and THEN the cereal again. My son had a blast mixing it all together. He loves seeing the process of how each ingredient go into the pot individually and then comes together to create the final product. What a great experience for both of us!
The one thing I've learned with having kids is that each child needs that special one on one"mommy and me/Daddy and me" time. It doesn't have to last all day, although sometimes we're having so much fun I want it to keep going. As long as you give a little bit of time and attention to them they feel wanted. It could just be sitting at the dinner table asking them about their day, or at bath time playing pirates with their toys. Whatever it is they'll soak it up.
I remember a conversation I was having with a friend. I was talking to her about how I had so much to do and my oldest kept asking me to play with him. She looked at me and smiled. She told me to take the time with him. There will be a time when he won't ask you anymore. I thought about what she said and smiled. She was right. The housework will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, while my boys are growing up so fast and they won't always want me to do things with them. That is reality.
Whatever you are doing today, take a few moments and spend time with your children. Give them the attention they need because one day they will be all grown up and on their own far too quickly. It's sometimes hard for me to remember to do this when "life" gets in the way, but the effort needs to be made. Remember, "Make It Count!"
This is what I hear normally from our oldest when he's looking for me but doesn't want to leave whatever it is he's doing, especially when the two younger boys are sleeping peacefully. Even though I've explained to him that if he wants me, he needs to come find me, the agreement that we have seems to fly right out of the window. As I cringe down the hallway, I'm trying not to yell back while I attempt to find him, because this would contradict what I want him to do. So I speed walk to where he is while "Stage-whispering" for him to stop yelling.
This is a typically normal day, but yesterday was a little bit different. There was a calmness in the house. I'm not sure if it was the fact that my husband was coming home from work early and he would have the rest of the weekend off or that I had just given up on being "super-clean mommy". Maybe I had just told myself that it was going to be a nice day. Whatever it was, I had such a relaxed feeling and I wanted it to last. To my surprise...it DID!
While my two younger ones were napping and my oldest was playing games (Starfall & Nick, Jr) on the computer I wanted to do something creative. So I decided to bake something with my oldest. He loves to help out in the kitchen, I got everything ready to make Rice Krispies treats. I had never made them with him before. I thought that this would be a great time because he would have the one-on-one attention he craves. I called him into the kitchen, asked him if he wanted to help me make the treats, and he answered with a resounding and enthusiastic "YES!"
I have so much fun making food with him. He really enjoys working with me in the kitchen and just about every time he helps make food, he eats it. It doesn't hurt that the recipe is so easy and keeps his attention.
I started with melting the butter everything was going perfect. Then I told him we needed to put in the marshmallows. Then my "Baby Brain" kicks in and I grab the Rice Krispies and dump them right in bowl with just the butter. WHAT???!!! Oh great. I knew I had a choice. I could have gotten upset at myself and threw the contents away while saying "Oh well, we aren't making anything because mommy made a mistake". Or I could get a bowl and put the Rice Krispies in and do the marshmallows the right way.
I don't know if today was special or what was going on because I didn't even consider the first option like I normally would. I just laughed at what happened, which made my boy laugh, and started again. We did have to add a little bit more butter, since the first was still attached to the cereal, then the MARSHMALLOWS, and THEN the cereal again. My son had a blast mixing it all together. He loves seeing the process of how each ingredient go into the pot individually and then comes together to create the final product. What a great experience for both of us!
The one thing I've learned with having kids is that each child needs that special one on one"mommy and me/Daddy and me" time. It doesn't have to last all day, although sometimes we're having so much fun I want it to keep going. As long as you give a little bit of time and attention to them they feel wanted. It could just be sitting at the dinner table asking them about their day, or at bath time playing pirates with their toys. Whatever it is they'll soak it up.
I remember a conversation I was having with a friend. I was talking to her about how I had so much to do and my oldest kept asking me to play with him. She looked at me and smiled. She told me to take the time with him. There will be a time when he won't ask you anymore. I thought about what she said and smiled. She was right. The housework will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, while my boys are growing up so fast and they won't always want me to do things with them. That is reality.
Whatever you are doing today, take a few moments and spend time with your children. Give them the attention they need because one day they will be all grown up and on their own far too quickly. It's sometimes hard for me to remember to do this when "life" gets in the way, but the effort needs to be made. Remember, "Make It Count!"
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Fill a bucket
So...being a first-time blogger I've been nervous that there won't be anything "interesting" to write about. So, as I've gone through my day, doing the laundry, (or at least trying to make a dent in the pile, because you know it will NEVER be completely finished), washing the dishes, making sure the boys are playing nice and hoping that the baby naps just long enough so I don't have to scarf down my lunch, I tried to remember everything that made my day special.
One of the things that came to mind, was that while we were having dinner, I got a call from my mom. She had called to let me know that she really enjoyed reading what I had to say on my first blog post. She told me it brought back memories from when my brother and I were babies. Although they were minor things that happened, at the time they were huge to her. She told me how she and my dad got through them by working as a team.
As I sat there listening to her words, I felt this gigantic smile come over my face. I wasn't expecting the conversation to be about the blog, but it gave me such joy to know that my family approved of it and also enjoyed what I had to say. We ended the conversation and I finished my dinner. As the night went on I couldn't help but think about how good I was feeling. I realized that even though I'm grown and have a family of my own, I still need the positive reinforcements of my family, especially my parents.
This made me think about my teaching experiences and about my own children. As a former elementary school teacher, I always tried to find at least one positive characteristic in each of my students. With some students it took a little bit longer to find the good than in others, but I always found at least "that one" good quality in each of them. When I saw it coming through I tried my hardest to bring it out in them. Whether it was being a great runner, a great reader or especially a great friend I tried to give them that compliment.
As you may know, I am a former teacher so you might think that I have all the time in the world right now by being a stay-at-home mom. The truth is, I don't. Some days I am so busy trying to get the housework done that I seem to guide my kids to the playroom or to the TV on with "their show" just so I can have a little uninterrupted work time. At one point in the day, our oldest came up to me and wanted me to watch as he attempts to create a painted picture. In between putting the dishes away and getting the laundry out of the dryer so I can put another load in, I tell him that it's great and continue on my way. I felt that I did my "mommy duty" and acknowledged what he was doing and gave him a compliment. As the night went on it was getting time for bed. After reading a story and turning out the light, I look at his beautiful face as he falls asleep and I remember the picture that he painted. I thought about how I acknowledged him but that I didn't actually look at it. I didn't give him the positive reinforcements that I yearn for.
As I lay in bed thinking about what more I could have said to him, mentioning how much I really like the colors he used for example, I am drawn back to my teaching experiences. I think about how a quick little detailed praise could mean the world to him. So, I promised myself that whatever the kids are doing tomorrow I will give them a quick detailed praise. It won't take anytime out of my work load and the smile on their faces will bring a smile to mine. Taking the few seconds to praise them and actually watch their faces light up with joy will bring joy to my heart.
There's a great book that I found titled Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It talks about how we all carry around an invisible bucket. When the bucket is full we feel great but when our bucket is empty we feel sad. We need to help fill each other's buckets every day. By telling someone you love them or telling them about a great thing they did definitely will continue to fill it. I need to fill my kids buckets every day. The smiles on their faces will show me that I did more than just my "mommy duty". I have to remember that they are little sponges. What I give to them they give to others. I just hope that I fill their buckets enough.
One of the things that came to mind, was that while we were having dinner, I got a call from my mom. She had called to let me know that she really enjoyed reading what I had to say on my first blog post. She told me it brought back memories from when my brother and I were babies. Although they were minor things that happened, at the time they were huge to her. She told me how she and my dad got through them by working as a team.
As I sat there listening to her words, I felt this gigantic smile come over my face. I wasn't expecting the conversation to be about the blog, but it gave me such joy to know that my family approved of it and also enjoyed what I had to say. We ended the conversation and I finished my dinner. As the night went on I couldn't help but think about how good I was feeling. I realized that even though I'm grown and have a family of my own, I still need the positive reinforcements of my family, especially my parents.
This made me think about my teaching experiences and about my own children. As a former elementary school teacher, I always tried to find at least one positive characteristic in each of my students. With some students it took a little bit longer to find the good than in others, but I always found at least "that one" good quality in each of them. When I saw it coming through I tried my hardest to bring it out in them. Whether it was being a great runner, a great reader or especially a great friend I tried to give them that compliment.
As you may know, I am a former teacher so you might think that I have all the time in the world right now by being a stay-at-home mom. The truth is, I don't. Some days I am so busy trying to get the housework done that I seem to guide my kids to the playroom or to the TV on with "their show" just so I can have a little uninterrupted work time. At one point in the day, our oldest came up to me and wanted me to watch as he attempts to create a painted picture. In between putting the dishes away and getting the laundry out of the dryer so I can put another load in, I tell him that it's great and continue on my way. I felt that I did my "mommy duty" and acknowledged what he was doing and gave him a compliment. As the night went on it was getting time for bed. After reading a story and turning out the light, I look at his beautiful face as he falls asleep and I remember the picture that he painted. I thought about how I acknowledged him but that I didn't actually look at it. I didn't give him the positive reinforcements that I yearn for.
As I lay in bed thinking about what more I could have said to him, mentioning how much I really like the colors he used for example, I am drawn back to my teaching experiences. I think about how a quick little detailed praise could mean the world to him. So, I promised myself that whatever the kids are doing tomorrow I will give them a quick detailed praise. It won't take anytime out of my work load and the smile on their faces will bring a smile to mine. Taking the few seconds to praise them and actually watch their faces light up with joy will bring joy to my heart.
There's a great book that I found titled Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It talks about how we all carry around an invisible bucket. When the bucket is full we feel great but when our bucket is empty we feel sad. We need to help fill each other's buckets every day. By telling someone you love them or telling them about a great thing they did definitely will continue to fill it. I need to fill my kids buckets every day. The smiles on their faces will show me that I did more than just my "mommy duty". I have to remember that they are little sponges. What I give to them they give to others. I just hope that I fill their buckets enough.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The baby peed on me! That's the sentence my husband heard last night as he came back into our room at 5:00am. He was trying to calm our 23 month old down after waking up from a nice sleep. "Bubba" as we like to call him just wouldn't go back to sleep. My husband gave him some juice, and as I picked him up I noticed he was shaking. I took him to the kitchen, gave him some apples and sat on the kitchen floor with him to have a picnic. Thankfully, after a few minutes, I noticed his shaking had subsided and he seemed much happier.
So as I quietly walked down the hall to put him back to bed he started to kick his legs and start to cry. I couldn't understand what was wrong. He had his juice. He had a snack. He seemed fine. So I put him in his bed and did what any mother who just wanted to get some sleep would do. (No I didn't close the door and go back to bed). I made a quick little bed for myself on the floor next to his bed and laid down. My goal was that he would see me "going to sleep" and he would lay down too.
Did it work? Yes. For about a minute. Then he began crying again, calling for daddy. My husband came in and told me the only thing we could do was to just let him cry.
WHAT? I can't do that. If I did that I'd feel like a horrible mother. But I knew that we had done everything we could at that point (so I thought), so I said good night to Bubba and went back to bed. After a few minutes my husband came back into the room. He said he had changed his diaper and noticed that it was on really tight. So I thought about it. The only thing I hadn't done was change his diaper. What is wrong with me? You would think after 3 kids that would be one of the first things I would do. But no. So who's the worst mother in the world? That's right, yours truly. At least that's how I felt.
As my husband got back into bed I laid there listening for Bubba's cries and there wasn't any. I was beating myself up over something that I should have done and didn't. I could have laid there all night (or what was left of it) and thought about how horrible I was, but I realized I can't do that. I need to learn that, even though I have 3 kids, I am still going to make mistakes. I am not going to have all the answers. The only thing I can do is remember what happened and learn from it. And also ask for help when I need it.
So here I am. Just a mom who wants the best for her children. And to maybe get a full nights sleep. Will it happen? Maybe...Have to go. The baby's crying.
So as I quietly walked down the hall to put him back to bed he started to kick his legs and start to cry. I couldn't understand what was wrong. He had his juice. He had a snack. He seemed fine. So I put him in his bed and did what any mother who just wanted to get some sleep would do. (No I didn't close the door and go back to bed). I made a quick little bed for myself on the floor next to his bed and laid down. My goal was that he would see me "going to sleep" and he would lay down too.
Did it work? Yes. For about a minute. Then he began crying again, calling for daddy. My husband came in and told me the only thing we could do was to just let him cry.
WHAT? I can't do that. If I did that I'd feel like a horrible mother. But I knew that we had done everything we could at that point (so I thought), so I said good night to Bubba and went back to bed. After a few minutes my husband came back into the room. He said he had changed his diaper and noticed that it was on really tight. So I thought about it. The only thing I hadn't done was change his diaper. What is wrong with me? You would think after 3 kids that would be one of the first things I would do. But no. So who's the worst mother in the world? That's right, yours truly. At least that's how I felt.
As my husband got back into bed I laid there listening for Bubba's cries and there wasn't any. I was beating myself up over something that I should have done and didn't. I could have laid there all night (or what was left of it) and thought about how horrible I was, but I realized I can't do that. I need to learn that, even though I have 3 kids, I am still going to make mistakes. I am not going to have all the answers. The only thing I can do is remember what happened and learn from it. And also ask for help when I need it.
So here I am. Just a mom who wants the best for her children. And to maybe get a full nights sleep. Will it happen? Maybe...Have to go. The baby's crying.
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