Fill a bucket

So...being a first-time blogger I've been nervous that there won't be anything "interesting" to write about. So, as I've gone through my day, doing the laundry, (or at least trying to make a dent in the pile, because you know it will NEVER be completely finished), washing the dishes, making sure the boys are playing nice and hoping that the baby naps just long enough so I don't have to scarf down my lunch, I tried to remember everything that made my day special.

One of the things that came to mind, was that while we were having dinner, I got a call from my mom. She had called to let me know that she really enjoyed reading what I had to say on my first blog post. She told me it brought back memories from when my brother and I were babies. Although they were minor things that happened, at the time they were huge to her.  She told me how she and my dad got through them by working as a team.

As I sat there listening to her words, I felt this gigantic smile come over my face. I wasn't expecting the conversation to be about the blog, but it gave me such joy to know that my family approved of it and also enjoyed what I had to say. We ended the conversation and I finished my dinner. As the night went on I couldn't help but think about how good I was feeling. I realized that even though I'm grown and have a family of my own, I still need the positive reinforcements of my family, especially my parents.

This made me think about my teaching experiences and about my own children. As a former elementary school teacher, I always tried to find at least one positive characteristic in each of my students. With some students it took a little bit longer to find the good than in others, but I always found at least "that one" good quality in each of them. When I saw it coming through I tried my hardest to bring it out in them. Whether it was being a great runner, a great reader or especially a great friend I tried to give them that compliment.

As you may know, I am a former teacher so you might think that I have all the time in the world right now by being a stay-at-home mom.  The truth is, I don't.  Some days I am so busy trying to get the housework done that I seem to guide my kids to the playroom or to the TV on with "their show" just so I can have a little uninterrupted work time. At one point in the day, our oldest came up to me and wanted me to watch as he attempts to create a painted picture.  In between putting the dishes away and getting the laundry out of the dryer so I can put another load in, I tell him that it's great and continue on my way.  I felt that I did my "mommy duty" and acknowledged what he was doing and gave him a compliment. As the night went on it was getting time for bed. After reading a story and turning out the light, I look at his beautiful face as he falls asleep and I remember the picture that he painted. I thought about how I acknowledged him but that I didn't actually look at it. I didn't give him the positive reinforcements that I yearn for.

As I lay in bed thinking about what more I could have said to him, mentioning how much I really like the colors he used for example, I am drawn back to my teaching experiences. I think about how a quick little detailed praise could mean the world to him. So, I promised myself that whatever the kids are doing tomorrow I will give them a quick detailed praise. It won't take anytime out of my work load and the smile on their faces will bring a smile to mine. Taking the few seconds to praise them and actually watch their faces light up with joy will bring joy to my heart.

There's a great book that I found titled Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It talks about how we all carry around an invisible bucket. When the bucket is full we feel great but when our bucket is empty we feel sad. We need to help fill each other's buckets every day. By telling someone you love them or telling them about a great thing they did definitely will continue to fill it. I need to fill my kids buckets every day. The smiles on their faces will show me that I did more than just my "mommy duty". I have to remember that they are little sponges. What I give to them they give to others. I just hope that I fill their buckets enough.

The baby peed on me! That's the sentence my husband heard last night as he came back into our room at 5:00am. He was trying to calm our 23 month old down after waking up from a nice sleep. "Bubba" as we like to call him just wouldn't go back to sleep. My husband gave him some juice, and as I picked him up I noticed he was shaking. I took him to the kitchen, gave him some apples and sat on the kitchen floor with him to have a picnic. Thankfully, after a few minutes, I noticed his shaking had subsided and he seemed much happier.

So as I quietly walked down the hall to put him back to bed he started to kick his legs and start to cry. I couldn't understand what was wrong. He had his juice. He had a snack. He seemed fine. So I put him in his bed and did what any mother who just wanted to get some sleep would do. (No I didn't close the door and go back to bed). I made a quick little bed for myself on the floor next to his bed and laid down. My goal was that he would see me "going to sleep" and he would lay down too.

Did it work? Yes. For about a minute. Then he began crying again, calling for daddy. My husband came in and told me the only thing we could do was to just let him cry.

WHAT? I can't do that. If I did that I'd feel like a horrible mother. But I knew that we had done everything we could at that point (so I thought), so I said good night to Bubba and went back to bed. After a few minutes my husband came back into the room. He said he had changed his diaper and noticed that it was on really tight. So I thought about it. The only thing I hadn't done was change his diaper. What is wrong with me? You would think after 3 kids that would be one of the first things I would do. But no. So who's the worst mother in the world? That's right, yours truly. At least that's how I felt.

As my husband got back into bed I laid there listening for Bubba's cries and there wasn't any. I was beating myself up over something that I should have done and didn't. I could have laid there all night (or what was left of it) and thought about how horrible I was, but I realized I can't do that. I need to learn that, even though I have 3 kids, I am still going to make mistakes. I am not going to have all the answers. The only thing I can do is remember what happened and learn from it. And also ask for help when I need it.

So here I am. Just a mom who wants the best for her children. And to maybe get a full nights sleep. Will it happen? Maybe...Have to go. The baby's crying.